Fragile. Handle with Care.

Made my bed. My accomplishment for the day. 

"So take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. 

Mark out a straight path for your feet. 

Then those who follow you, though they are weak and lame, 

will not stumble and fall but will become strong."

Hebrews 12:12-13

It is spring break for me so in other words, the week before everything is due. Next week, I have three tests, a quiz, a project and a paper due. Oh, and I have to read Frankenstein – the 1818 text. (I’m two-thirds into that and it actually is wonderful. I highly recommend it.)

I also started a new job this week and already put in over 30 hours in 4 days. Yesterday, I was up at 5am to make sure I had enough Jesus time before leaving for work at 6:30 (not that I can have "enough"). Then I worked for ten hours. I already love it and the girls I work with. I’m surrounded by coffee and people who love Jesus. It doesn't get better than that. (Come see me – Café One Eight downtown Lancaster City)

Tomorrow I have plans from 7:45am – 10pm. And they are fantastic plans, but it’s a full day. Then Sunday I have plans most of the day as well. 

The point of all of this - LIFE IS FULL.

But today, today I have the day off. Zero plans. In my mind, days off are supposed to be full of success and crossing things off my to-do list (which is kind of long at this point).

Instead, today is one of those days where accomplishment equals being out of bed by 10am. I even made my bed (see above for proof). I deserve a cookie. Or you know 3 leftover peanut butter heath bar cookies with my pot of coffee.

Breakfast – check.

Get dressed – maybe later.

Why?! Why do I feel like this? Complacent. Apathetic. Unmotivated. These feelings are so ugly to me and they’re making me feel worthless. I’m tired. I’m spent. Physically, emotionally, socially, financially, even, sigh, spiritually. I have nothing else to give. I am my harshest critic; isn't that how it usually goes? I am so frustrated with myself. Why can’t I just be stronger, try harder, work more efficiently?

I just looked over on my couch and something fell out of my Bible from my quiet time this morning. It’s one of those cards that has the meaning of your name. It says Brittany – “Strong”. I can’t help but roll my eyes. Seriously?

I’m not usually good at admitting weakness. In all honesty, I don’t think of them as weaknesses. I merely have “unhoned” strengths. Ha. I am realizing that I have weaknesses. I have limitations. I have imperfections. 

My first thought - "Oh dear God, take away my weakness and my frailty!" Paul's thought - "So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses...For when I am weak, then I am strong." (II Corinthians 12:9b-10)

I am weak. There, I said it. I am so very fragile. Merely human, made of dust (Psalm 103:14). God knows this; He understands my every weakness. So does Jesus - firsthand in fact (Hebrews 4:15). And because of this, we can approach the "throne of our gracious God" boldly, where we will receive mercy and grace to help us when we need it.

So this is my prayer today and everyday. 

"Heavenly Father, I admit my weakness. I am frail and feeble. I cannot do anything through my own power. I relinquish control. I need your strength to shine through the cracks of my brokenness. I am desperate for your grace and your mercy. Oh dear Lord, drench me in your love. Renew me. Rejuvenate me. My hope is in you and you alone. Grant me the joy of your presence and the pleasure of living with you and for you. Help me be content in my weakness and boast in your power alone. In the name of my precious Savior, Amen."